The doubts of the existence of a God, much less the God of Christianity swirl in my mind constantly. Thinking about topics that I’ve previously given little or no thought to such as cosmology, evolution, archaeology, deep theology and listening to debates on the origin of the New Testament and the historicity of Jesus have left me in a fog.
Yet for some inexplicable reason I want to hold on to the naive notion that somehow that Christianity could all be true. I suppose for emotional reasons I want to preserve my child-like faith. But that seems almost impossible now. It’s like catching a glimpse of your parents putting the presents under the tree on Christmas morning and then trying to pretend you don’t know that they are really Santa Clause.
I’m yearning to pray to some unknown entity, yet the prayers I used to pray seem so hollow and pitiful now. I no longer even know where to begin.