….well…..woman. Okay, so it doesn’t work as well, but nevertheless.
You know how one thought leads to another thought to another and then before you know it you’re somewhere way off the thing you first started with? I’m a rabbit chaser. I chase rabbits. In my mind. I’m always hot on the trail of those elusive little creatures. Alas I never seem to catch one. Good thing I’m not depending on that for dinner. Elmer Fudd and I would starve. Darned old wascally wabbits.
I’ve been told several times lately that because my life is a gift from none other than the Creator of the Universe that my response should be to worship him. I haven’t been in a very worshipful mood lately. But then I got to thinkin’…dangerous in these parts, I know. I’m supposed to be thankful, and that’s supposed to create a desire in me to worship, because I was born. I was given the gift of life. But what if I hadn’t been born? I wouldn’t be any the wiser. Maybe I would rather to have not been born. Then I wouldn’t have to make all these decisions and I wouldn’t have all these problems. Not that my life is all bad. It’s mostly good. Make that great. But still, I wouldn’t know the difference were I not to have been born. Should I be grateful that said Creator hasn’t stricken me dead? Maybe that is something to be thankful for. But up until now I thought I was a Christian, so if I had died, I thought I was going to heaven. Maybe I should really be ungrateful for that. Because now I’m not sure of my fate. Heaven…hell…are they real, are they not?
That just led to more thinkin’. Have mercy, does it ever stop? I’m supposed to be thankful that Jesus came and died for my sins, so I can have a relationship with that Creator. I’ve tried to have one of those, but it’s seemed kinda one-sided. I talk to him, he never says anything back. I ask questions, it just sounds like my voice in my head answering. I thought that was when I was supposed to know I was crazy, when I started answering my own questions. Am I crazy? Possibly, because the voice in my head that sounds like me doesn’t really have original thoughts when it’s talking back. It’s mostly stuff regurgitated from the Bible or the pulpit.
Then I started thinkin’ about the sacrifice Jesus made. Which made me start thinkin’ about the sacrifices in the Old Testament that came to an end as a result of the one Jesus made. They’re all blood sacrifices. Blood sacrifices of animals that culminate in human sacrifice. So then I was wondering how this was different than most other barbaric, archaic religions except that we weren’t sacrificing virgins to a volcano. But wait….we did make a virgin sacrifice, just not to a volcano. Well I guess he was a virgin. Depends on who you ask. Some say yes, some say no. Mary Magdalene isn’t around to ask.
One thing led to another and I was back to a question I asked when I first found some other doubters online. If God is sovereign and he’s in control of everything, why would he design it so his “chosen people” would need to reject his “only son” so that nasty old gentiles like me could be grafted into salvation. He’s God, right? He can do anything he wants. Why would he need to harden the hearts of the Jews for a time, sending those in the interim who don’t accept Jesus to a fiery hell, to rescue dirty ole me?
See, I told you I was born a ramblin’ woman. I chase rabbits. I’m a rabbit chaser. In my mind. All day long. And I still haven’t caught one. Darned old wascally wabbits.