Out From Under the Umbrella

playing in the rain

Something Good Is Going to Happen For You!

19 Comments

My co-worker received this by mail from a very concerned organization. She brought it to me and said, “My roommate says I should send this back. I told her I wanted to ask you about it. What should I do with it?” My reply, “Leave this with me, I need it way more than you do.”

I know they only want to help me. And if I send this back to them in their postage paid envelope….gosh, I just know something good is going TO HAPPEN FOR ME!

Isn’t this prayer rug beautiful?  I think it will be lovely in my living room. I don’t want to send it back.  I want to keep it and touch it to my knees every day.  That’s where the lifeblood is, you know, in your knees.  Save it to your computer, print it out on 11″x 17″ paper and you, too, can have your very own paper prayer rug.  Touch it to your knees and feel the energy.  Feel the goodness happening.  You must believe to reap the benefit.
Hey, if I send them my stack of bills instead of a check, do you think they’ll mysteriously be paid on my behalf?  
*I should have pointed out that you can click on the pages to enlarge them if you really wanna read all that crap.
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19 thoughts on “Something Good Is Going to Happen For You!

  1. I once asked an Old Wise Elder why people buy this kind of crap. He said, "You know, if people aren't in the market for something, they won't buy it." Apparently there is a market for it. Sigh.

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  2. So true s-p,, so true.

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  3. DMA, I love the prayer rug. I got the same one in the mail a few years back, and I have it tacked on the wall of my office. I have tried doing what the caption says, and stared at the image to see if Jesus opens his eyes and says BOO! I guess I have not stared long enough, or unfocused my eyes enough, or stood on my head long enough to get enough blood to saturate my brain, because for the life of me, I can never get Jesus to open his eyes on this miraculous paper Prayer Rug. What do I have to do??I love how your caption tells you that if you want a bigger prayer rug, just upload it to your computer and print it out bigger! I guess they can’t afford the extra postage to send you an 11×17 piece of miracle rug paper, so they just tell us lazy, ungrateful slobs to look it up on google images and print it out for our own sorry selves. Actually, I think it would make a mighty nifty mouse pad.Matter of fact, I just got another mysterious envelope in the mail today. It still sits in there, unopened. The outside of the envelope says:“This very old CHURCH LOANS this to you, BLESS SOMEONE CONNECTED WITH THIS HOME. Then, it must go to ANOTHER FAMILY that desires GOD’S BLESSINGS. See letter inside…On the back of the envelope it says:DEAR JESUS,WE PRAY THAT YOU WILL BLESS SOMEONE IN THIS HOME SPIRITUALLY, PHYSICALLY AND FINANCIALLY. AND PLEASE DEAR LORD, BLESS THE ONE WHOSE HANDS OPEN THIS LETTER. MAKE GOOD CHANGES IN THIS ONE’S LIFE AND GIVE THEM THE DESIRES OF THEIR HEART. WE PRAY OVER AND BLESS THIS LETTER IN YOUR HOLY NAME. AMENWhat is it about these miracle letters and GIANT CAPS, BOGUS HANDSCRIBBLE COMPUTER FONT AND RED BOLD UNDERLINING? DMA, could it another miracle prayer paper rug? A splinter from the wood of the Cross? A tear from the eyes of Mary? Miracle water from the Jordan? We shall soon see….

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  4. Yup. Coincidentally I just got the same letter from Saint Matthew's Churches, PO BOX 21210 Tulsa OK.Weird. I Googled them – Saint Matthews is a real church in Tulsa, and I just figured some bogus outfit was attaching the church's good name to their bogus prayer rug scam. Then I saw this:http://www.saintmatthewschurches.com/StMatthewsChurchPrayerRugLetter.aspxweird – the Christian Church in all its varieties never ceases to amaze me.

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  5. I love how your caption tells you that if you want a bigger prayer rug, just upload it to your computer and print it out bigger! I guess they can’t afford the extra postage to send you an 11×17 piece of miracle rug paper, so they just tell us lazy, ungrateful slobs to look it up on google images and print it out for our own sorry selves. Haha! That was totally my commentary. I didn't want anyone to feel left out. I'm glad to know you have one too. I especially loved the testimony where the woman says she'd suffered from chronic leg pain and tried everything else. She lay the rug on her legs for two days and prayed and the pain went away. I wonder if that works on other body parts, or people who are pains? I wonder if I sit on it for two days and pray really hard if my butt will shrink. It's what I really want!Some of the money people received sounded like insurance settlements. I wonder who had to die or get hurt to get the payout. What a blessing indeed!

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  6. s-p & Zoe,The conversation in my head with my co-worker sounded more like this:Co-worker: My roommate says I should send this back. I told her I wanted to ask you about it. What should I do with it?My head: OMG..are you freakin' serious??? You can't be thinking of sending this back!!! I've told you to stop sending in all those sweepstakes entries! I've told you you can't get something for nothing! I know exactly what to do with it…..

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  7. I just got one of those too, and I was going to post. Thanks for taking care of it for me!If you look at the eyes, you see very faint traces of ink. If you stare at it long enough, you do get that negative image thing going to where you kind of see eyes looking back.Optical illusion shamanism. Can they sink any lower to pry money out of people? Really?I was wondering if the post office gave them a discount for each red underline.I was also contemplating sending back a chunk of lead, or similarly heavy object in the postage-paid envelope. 😉

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  8. Nah… after snooping around for a while on the various Saint Matthews Churches websites, I am convinced this is no church of any kind. Just a scam operation. Saint Matthews Church does not exist in Tulsa, their mother church in Houston does not exist, their calender and statement of faith is ripped right out of the Anglican book of common prayer, etc,

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  9. HeIsSailing,I noticed that too. I couldn't figure out what kind of church it actually was. It seemed they portrayed themselves as an Anglican type of church. This mail-out seemed very out of character for that to be the case.

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  10. HeIsSailing said:What is it about these miracle letters and GIANT CAPS, BOGUS HANDSCRIBBLE COMPUTER FONT AND RED BOLD UNDERLINING?I know, right? I get that they're excited about their powerful prayer rug, but please STOP YELLING AT ME!TWF said:I was also contemplating sending back a chunk of lead, or similarly heavy object in the postage-paid envelope. 😉Good idea! I, too, was contemplating what I should send to them. My bills seemed like a pretty good idea since I know they want to help. But I was afraid they'd ruin my credit by not following through. If I think of something suitable I'll let you know.

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  11. ExrelaymanI am a retired mailman. When these letters are sent out, every person on the route receives one. If you think you hate them, boy does the mailman also!Sometimes if you take the postage paid return envelope and return everything, including the original envelope addressed to you, they have to pay an extra high fee when they get it, and this dissuades them from sending more mail to you. But I think this may only work for mail addressed to you, and not for mail addressed to 'occupant'. If you try this, be sure to print 'remove from mailing list' near your name and address.In re D'Ma's last comment, I have thought of something suitable, but it is kind of messy and involves a trip to the bathroom. Am I classy or what?The only trouble with P. T. Barnum's famous quote is that he underestimated how many are born each minute.

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  12. I feel left out. I've never received one of these letters. (I have, however, received a free Book of Mormon.)Perhaps the good lord knows that I'm too far gone, Satan's got me by the short hairs, and even this miraculous rug won't do a bit of good for me.*snort*

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  13. I kind of felt the same way, Aletheia. The letter didn't come to me, it came to my co-worker. Then I found out HeIsSailing and TWF got the letters too. Then Exrelayman up here says they go out in bulk. I guess the good Lord didn't want something good to happen for me. *sigh*

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  14. Exrelayman,In re D'Ma's last comment, I have thought of something suitable, but it is kind of messy and involves a trip to the bathroom. Am I classy or what?It would just be returning the favor.They send these badboys out in bulk, right? Do many people actually send them back?

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  15. Things like this (and all the money extortion that happens on the Trinity Broadcasting Network) have revived my belief in a literal hell with conscious eternal suffering… because I want them to go there… to the lowest wrung!

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  16. ExrelaymanJudging from what I could tell, I estimate approx 1 out 150 of these letters got a response. Of course there could be others who deposited letters at a collection box instead of having me pick them up.

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  17. I feel left out. I've never received one of these letters. (I have, however, received a free Book of Mormon.)Perhaps the good lord knows that I'm too far gone, Satan's got me by the short hairs, and even this miraculous rug won't do a bit of good for me.*snort*

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  18. DMA, I love the prayer rug. I got the same one in the mail a few years back, and I have it tacked on the wall of my office. I have tried doing what the caption says, and stared at the image to see if Jesus opens his eyes and says BOO! I guess I have not stared long enough, or unfocused my eyes enough, or stood on my head long enough to get enough blood to saturate my brain, because for the life of me, I can never get Jesus to open his eyes on this miraculous paper Prayer Rug. What do I have to do??I love how your caption tells you that if you want a bigger prayer rug, just upload it to your computer and print it out bigger! I guess they can’t afford the extra postage to send you an 11×17 piece of miracle rug paper, so they just tell us lazy, ungrateful slobs to look it up on google images and print it out for our own sorry selves. Actually, I think it would make a mighty nifty mouse pad.Matter of fact, I just got another mysterious envelope in the mail today. It still sits in there, unopened. The outside of the envelope says:“This very old CHURCH LOANS this to you, BLESS SOMEONE CONNECTED WITH THIS HOME. Then, it must go to ANOTHER FAMILY that desires GOD’S BLESSINGS. See letter inside…On the back of the envelope it says:DEAR JESUS,WE PRAY THAT YOU WILL BLESS SOMEONE IN THIS HOME SPIRITUALLY, PHYSICALLY AND FINANCIALLY. AND PLEASE DEAR LORD, BLESS THE ONE WHOSE HANDS OPEN THIS LETTER. MAKE GOOD CHANGES IN THIS ONE’S LIFE AND GIVE THEM THE DESIRES OF THEIR HEART. WE PRAY OVER AND BLESS THIS LETTER IN YOUR HOLY NAME. AMENWhat is it about these miracle letters and GIANT CAPS, BOGUS HANDSCRIBBLE COMPUTER FONT AND RED BOLD UNDERLINING? DMA, could it another miracle prayer paper rug? A splinter from the wood of the Cross? A tear from the eyes of Mary? Miracle water from the Jordan? We shall soon see….

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  19. i just gotten it today i think this scram and they be writing me couple year ago ans i send money to them all the time so you know wht they got my pic and all i am affraid i been curse with these people like i say god is not sleep ibeleive what come in dark will come out the lights

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