Out From Under the Umbrella

playing in the rain

Atheists Do Not Exist

18 Comments

I was invited to a lunch meeting today by an acquaintance.  It was a women’s networking group and I was a guest.  Having a new business I really need to network and get my name and what I do out there.  I was one the third person to arrive.  The director was already there along with the acquaintance who had invited me.

Said acquaintance was having a discussion with the group director.  She took a break from her conversation to greet me and introduce me to the director then went back to her conversation, making sure to include me.  She said something and then added the phrase “Praise God” to it.  Then she said, “You know the first thing people are going to say when they get to heaven? “Oh.”  A light bulb will go on in their heads and they will simply say, “Oh”.”   Then she said, “You know the first thing people are going to say when they get to hell?” First I thought, “Oh shit”,  and then I thought, “What hell?”, but didn’t say it aloud.  She said, “They’ll say, “Oh”.  They’ll say the same exact thing just with a different enunciation.”

Then she and the director went on to discuss the fact that they don’t know how people make it if they believe this life is all there is.  They think it’s really sad.  Acquaintance then elaborated on her Bible study group.  They get into some deep theological discussions.  At the last one they discussed atheism.  Apparently according to the Bible there is no such thing as an Atheist.  Every last one of us, even cats and dogs, knows deep down that there is a higher power.  There is a God.  Atheists may suppress that knowledge, but deep down they really do know there’s a God.  “If you believe what the Bible says atheists don’t exist.  The knowledge of God is in our DNA”, she said.

I stood there silently letting her speak, not really saying anything.  Like a deer caught in headlights I froze.  I’m a guest at this event and I don’t really know anybody.  I just met acquaintance Thursday night at a business after hours event hosted by the local Chamber of Commerce.  Do I rock the boat?  Do I tell her that the flaw in her logic is exactly that atheists don’t believe the Bible?  Do I tell her that atheists aren’t the monster under the bed?  That they might be the person standing right in front of her?  I didn’t.  I wasn’t sure how.  I just smiled and said nothing all.

I just thought I’d let all of my fellow atheists/agnostics know that you are really just a figment of the imagination.  There is no such thing as you.  You do not exist.  Now let us frolic next to the pot of gold underneath the rainbow like happy little leprechauns and spread our fairy dust throughout the land.

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18 thoughts on “Atheists Do Not Exist

  1. Small recommendation. Given where you are, if you need to benefit by networking, then as pertains to your non-belief, SILENCE IS GOLDEN.I think your silence in the situation depicted indicates that I am not saying anything you don't already know.Feel free to ignore this comment, since it comes from a non-existent entity 🙂

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  2. Our presuppositions have everything to do with what we see and don't see. Pragmatically, you did what you needed to do. There's a Buddhist saying that goes something like: only speak if it improves upon the silence. Your silence speaks loudly to me because I understand where you're coming from. If you're a leprechan accountant, does that mean you can make pots of gold appear for all your clients? If so, sign me up!I just met with my business accountant for the first time and was happy to learn I hadn't done anything majorly wrong yet. I know so little regarding accounting and taxes, it's been quite a learning curve!

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  3. Like she said, if you believe the bible.I don't.Next.

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  4. I remember when I believed the same way. I remember the first time I saw an atheist being interviewed on television and felt genuine compassion for the man. He had no hope. It all seemed so negative compared to my fairytale world of God, angels, demons and miraculous answers to prayer. And what could be more dreary than the idea that this life is all there is? And then I reached maturity and started taking responsibility for my own mind.

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  5. Two thoughts: A. This person needs to get out more.B. The Bible talks a lot about unbelievers, but given the time at which it was written that's almost certainly meant as "people who don't worship our god," not "people who don't think that deities exist at all." So trying to apply those passages to modern atheism is problematic.

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  6. DMA,This is such a tough position. These kinds of Christians are so isolated from the world that they don’t know that Atheists exist and walk among them. The only way to shake up their senses is to be loud and tell them that we exist! Yet, because of social constraints, we are sometimes forced to do as you had to do – keepest thy trap shut.I was in a similar position recently. It sucks.Not that it matters. Were the three of you the only ones present during this conversation? If so, I have a hunch they already know. They were talking Christianese, and you did not join in the conversation? What clearer sign do they need? They know.“She said something and then added the phrase "Praise God" to it.”This reminds me of something I used to obnoxiously do as a Christian. When I was introduced to somebody new, I would shake their hand and say “Praise the Lord”. Their reaction to this was a quick indicator to me whether or not they knew Jesus and were saved or not (in my case, everybody new that I met was damned). I have a sneaky suspicion that that whole conversation was directed at you. I should say The Holy Ghost was working through them to convict your heart of some secret sin. At least, that is what I would have done.

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  7. HeIsSailing,I love that you actually had a screening test to determine who you needed to save. Very empirical. I would have probably given you a false negative as I have never gone around saying Praise God, even during my most evangelical of days. Too emotive and expressive for my style. I probably would have smiled and laughed uncomfortably.

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  8. You can't reason with someone who holds reason in such low esteem. Trying is not far removed from attempting to convince a paranoid schizophrenic that she has nothing to fear; or telling a person who suffers from delusional disorder that they are delusional. Doing so serves no purpose other than to evoke an emotional and irrational response.

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  9. I've always known that I'm not here. 😉

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  10. It used to be taboo to discuss religion or politics in business. That no longer seems to be the case, but there are still plenty of reasons why you shouldn't. You did the right thing. It's more important to be happy than to be right, at least that's what marriage has taught me. ;-)I think it's sad that they think that thinking that this life is all that there is is sad.

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  11. @exrelayman,Good to hear from you! Silence is sometimes very necessary. I'm not quite ready to by quartered and drawn just yet. So from one non-entity to another I will be keeping my trappeth shutteth. ;)===================================================@DoOrDoNot,My speaking would definitely not have improved upon the silence. As a leprechaun accountant I certainly can dispense pots of imaginary gold to my imaginary clients at will and am happy to do so. As for not having done anything majorly wrong yet, yay! You would think that for professions such as yours more time would go into educating you on the business aspect of your practice when you are in college/graduate school. Sadly many professionals aren't prepared to deal with the business of their business.===================================================@Bruce,Bingo! "If you believe the Bible" and "atheist" really don't belong in the same sentence. Atheists don't believe the Bible so appealing to it has no appeal.==================================================@DougB,The fact that this used to be me really did help me to bite my tongue and say nothing. I was her. I used every opportunity to spread the gospel. Though I will say that I didn't typically mix business with religion. Everybody knew where I stood, but not because I went around shouting "Praise God". ==================================================@MM,On your two thoughts:1.) She gets out quite a lot. She's a marketing consultant! Guess she feels like part of her work is marketing for Jesus. That's just the way it is around here. I don't exaggerate when I say I'm taking the road less traveled. Religion, and Christianity in particular, is a way of life around here. It sort of is in people's DNA, figuratively speaking.2.) I agree wholeheartedly that those passages that speak of unbelievers is speaking about people who don't believe in the "Christian God". There are passages that speak to atheism, though. The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. Corrupt are they, and have done abominable iniquity: there is none that doeth good. Psalm 53:1 Passages like these are what kept me in the faith. I had plenty of cognitive dissonance, but I kept feeding myself these scriptures to swallow it all.

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  12. @HeIsSailing,You know, it isn't that I'm so intent on being loud and proud or belligerent with my doubts and unbelief. I don't want to be rude and obstinate. I once spoke fluent Christianese. I could still do it to fit in. Believe me, the thought occurred to me. But I just couldn't do it. The thought alone made me nauseous. Regardless of my religious beliefs I want to be a person of integrity. It was just much better for me to hold my tongue and say nothing at all. I'm sure you're right. I'm sure they did pick up on my silence. It's a very uncomfortable position to be in. I suppose I'll figure out how to handle it without it feeling so darned awkward. ====================================================@CD,I didn't even have the desire to try. I'm not a debater and I'm not really into trying to dash anyone else's faith or trying to deconvert anybody else. That's not my thing. I wish they could see for themselves, and if asked point blank I would give my opinion, but I'm not going to barge in where someone is so clearly entrenched. No good can come of that.=================================================@Zoe,From one to another, I've known for a long, long time I'm not all here either. ;)================================================@TWF,I wish it was still taboo to mix business with religion and politics. That would make life a whole lot easier. My marriage taught me the same lesson about happiness and winning. I lost a lot. I used to think the same thing; that it was sad to think this life is all there is. Now I think it's sad to waste this whole life pining for an afterlife that no one is certain of. If more people thought this life was all there was would pandamonium ensue? I highly doubt it. I think more people would treasure the moments they have.

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  13. Just this weekend, while at Sam's Club, the check out guy said something and then said "praise the lord right" he then looks at me, I just kind of smiled. I've been there, keeping my mouth shut and with a goofy smile on my face before(not that you had a goofy smile, I know I did)thinking all the while, if they only had an idea what was in front of them. Someone, every single day, says something to me about how great god is. Store clerks, church signs, and even emails and facebook status's. It literally wears me out at times to have to hear one more time about how wonderful god is.With that said congrats on putting yourself out there with your new business endeavors. 🙂

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  14. Thanks, TAW! Ugh! I know what you mean. It's everywhere around here. And, yes, I'm sure I did have a goofy smile on my face. It was uncomfortable to say the least because she was kind of waiting on affirmation, which the other woman gave, but I did not.You know it's really funny, but Christians are always railing about how they're being suppressed, but I just don't see it. It is very difficult for me to 'put myself out there', but I'm making myself do it.

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  15. The fool sayeth in his heart "There is no god"The wise man says it out loud.Well, maybe not in this case… ;D As my boss used to say, "Choose carefully which hill you want to die on."

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  16. Hey, Annie.I guess there's a time and a place for everything, huh? The area I'm in is definitely no place to pick a battle.

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  17. As you may know, I'm not going to argue against the "how do the atheists make it" point, since I don't have any good defenses (and personally I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it as an agnostic).But I have something to say about "everyone suppresses the knowledge of God."I think that there is a specific thought in these people's minds (because it used to be in mine) that has some merit to it. I think they're just interpreting it wrongly.Everyone knows… something. I suspect that everyone knows, deep down, that something very serious and incomprehensible is going on here. To the Christian, this can't be anything but "God," and that's why they're so sure about it.I remember staring out my window on several occasions and thinking "No. There's just no way. If you ever doubt the existence of God, come back and remember this moment; remember *knowing*." But knowing what? When I go back there, I don't discover that I was entirely mistaken; I just discover that this thing I knew did not necessarily mean the thing that I assumed it meant.

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  18. Thanks for stopping by Steve M.Everyone knows… something. I suspect that everyone knows, deep down, that something very serious and incomprehensible is going on here. To the Christian, this can't be anything but "God," and that's why they're so sure about it.The universe is so complex and marvelous that it seems as if there just has to be something more, something bigger. You know I'm not going to argue that there isn't something bigger, but I'm not sure there is either. Our insignificance within the universe makes us feel as if there is something more for the precise fact that it is so incomprehensible. Maybe this is all there is.

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