Out From Under the Umbrella

playing in the rain

I’m Sorry


I’ve been spending my time off either working on bank reconciliations (Yay! I got a client!) or sewing drapes.  This new job and my side ventures are seriously inhibiting my writing time. 😦  I went to Tessa’s late Sunday afternoon for some much needed rest and relaxation. I floated around her swimming pool for what seemed like a couple of hours.   

She was sitting by the pool with a nice cold drink when I got out to join her.  I’m not quite sure how we got on the subject, but you know how one topic just leads to another and to another.  We have a mutual friend whose child is gay.  She told me how she’d had to “hide” him from her facebook page because she couldn’t stand to see his posts anymore.  Then she told me of something that had happened in Sunday School not too long ago.  The boy’s father made some reference to him being “different”.  She gave him a “knowing and sympathetic” nod.  I’m sure he appreciated that.  

Then she turned the conversation to one of her children.  She said if her unmarried daughter told her that she’d take her to one of those “overcoming homosexuality” centers and not allow her to come out until she professed heterosexuality.  Her daughter is twenty-three.  She can only say that because she doesn’t believe her daughter is homosexual.

I wasn’t really surprised by her comment because she often makes bold statements about things she would or wouldn’t do, seeing the world in black and white.  That is until it’s something or someone close to her.  Then she sees the shades of gray, does something completely different than the bold proclamation and stays very quiet with it.  I think if she found out that one of them was it would be a complete game-changer.  It’s always different when it hits home.  It’s easy to make these brash statements when you think you’ll never be faced with the situation you’re making such statements about.  It’s always such a pain in the derriere when those statements come back to bite you in said derriere.

Anyway the rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me:  “I get what you’re saying about Sunday School Man’s son.  I’m not a big fan of PDA of any kind.  Some things should be kept private no matter your sexual orientation.  I’ve always believed that homosexuality was a choice, but I’m starting to think differently about that.  I think people may really be born that way.  It’s not a choice, but who they are.”

Tessa:  “How can God make someone born that way when he says it’s an abomination?  It’s a choice in the same way that sometimes I think maybe I could steal something and get away with it, but I choose not to.  Maybe I was born with the tendency to steal, but I have to choose not to do that.”

Me:  “So you’re saying that if you’re really born homosexual that your choices are to either spend your life with someone you have no desire for whatsoever or to be alone because you can’t choose to be with the person you really love because they happen to have the same plumbing as you?  How messed up is that?  That you’d be born that way and as a test of your sincere love for a creator you’d have to deny yourself intimacy?  I’m not sure what I think about that.”

She quickly changed the subject and I was glad.  I didn’t want to argue or debate.  I think I made my point without doing that.  Homosexuality can hardly be equated to the desire to steal.  That’s ridiculous.  You don’t need to steal.  Everybody needs love and it’s wrong to deny people that basic need.

I did believe at one time that homosexuality was a choice, that it was like any other “sin”, and that people with homosexual “tendencies” just needed to make a choice.  Homosexuality isn’t a “tendency”.  I’m sorry I ever thought that way.  I’m sorry I was ever such a holier-than-thou, religious wing nut, up on my high horse, self-righteous fundamentalist.  Did I leave anything out?  If I did I’m sorry for that too.

9 thoughts on “I’m Sorry

  1. I wouldn't beat yourself up too much. You were born into that culture of theology. It is a challenge to challenge and change the world view you grew up with. As the expression goes, pigs don't know that pigs stink.Personally, I see sexuality on a spectrum; hetero on one end, homo on the other, and a whole mix of color in the middle. To some extent, the mixed group in the middle could be said to "choose" homosexuality, and they are probably the only ones to get "cured" of it by those faith-based programs ("cured" as in choose to no longer participate in homosexuality and still have a fulfilling hetero lifestyle). But that just isn't going to work for someone more biased to the homosexual side of the spectrum.


  2. I'm glad you changed your mind on the subject. It's a relief to know that many other people are too."How can God make someone born that way when he says it's an abomination?"Um … because it's not an abomination?


  3. Ahab:..or, because there is no God!Harvey


  4. It's very strange… I don't even get to choose what sort of women I'm attracted to. I either find someone attractive, or I don't; it's a reaction, not a decision. Yet somehow QUILTBAG folks are blithely "choosing" – over and over again – to be attracted or not attracted in ways that are going to make their lives much more difficult?


  5. I used to give the same answers your friend gave. Then, for once, I actually started to listen to the testimonies of Christians who, despite much heartbreaking effort, had found themselves unable to "choose" their way out of homosexuality.


  6. Yes, it's sad when people want to compare the love same sex couples have for each other with drug or alcohol addiction, incest, pedophilia, etc.But, I think there's a lot of misinformation that's out there, and many people do not know a loving, committed gay couple, least of all couples who are also committed Christian believers.Rebecca.


  7. Well, since menstruating is an abomination to god and women obviously didn't choose to menstruate, her argument is pretty weak. God made them that way, he just prefers bloodshed to be a little more lethal apparently. Also an abomination: eating shellfish, planting different kinds of seeds together (no mixed flower beds allowed), or wearing mixed blend fabrics. Pretty sure that woman has been an abomination to god and felt pretty good about it, not including any cramping.Ok according to god: beating your slave unless its so bad they can't get up for a few days, selling your daughter as a slave, or murdering innocent children if god doesn't like their parents.Of course, I was trained to read the bible without questioning it too. It felt too scary to challenge the way I was told to interpret it. Don't feel bad. We were trying to survive.


  8. My father told me today that he "won't buy a thing at Home Depot" because of their support for gays. Apparently, he doesn't know I've been considering going to a gay bar to explore my bi-curiousity! lol


  9. My apologies for taking so long to respond here. I've been a little preoccupied. :~)Ouch! Unless you've told him I'm sure he doesn't know that. When I listened to AFR on a regular basis Don Wildmon, James Dobson and their respective crews often called for boycotts on retailers and manufacturers who supported LGBT organizations. I think that's part of being a TrueBeliever. 😉


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