Out From Under the Umbrella

playing in the rain

Real Road Trip Conversations: Being Gay


Over the weekend I went on a road trip with my friend, Tessa.  She’s a loyal friend and I love her, but there are times when it’s really hard to not to out myself and I don’t exactly know how that would change our friendship.  Oh, she’d still love me and I’d still love her, but it would be awkward…and tense…and strained.  I’d never be able to say all I was thinking, which wouldn’t be different, but she would probably tiptoe around me, or worse yet, not tiptoe around me.  She might start preaching every chance she got which would just ruin our friendship.  I’d hate for that to happen when we are friends for so many more reasons than a common belief in a sky daddy.

Our conversations always sort of evolve.  We start on one topic and we’re off to the races talking about everything under the sun.  This conversation was no different.  Her daughter has a friend who recently told her he was thinking about committing suicide.  She called his mother and he was hospitalized.

Me:  “How’s KarieAnne’s friend?  Is he still in the hospital?”

Tessa:  “KarieAnne called me all out of sorts.  She said, “Mama, I don’t know what to do.”  The boy calls her for everything and he wants her to be responsible for his life. I told her it was time for her to cut him loose.  She can’t be responsible for him. He thinks he’s gay and he told her that he’d die before he tells his parents.  His dad is the football coach at Big City High School and he just can’t tell him.”

Me:  “Wow.  I really feel for him.  Gosh, I had no idea he was gay.  I can’t imagine what kind of turmoil he is in to try to deny who he is like that to make his parents happy.  More to the point, to not make his parents unhappy.”

Tessa:  “It’s a product of our thought life.  You know how some people get caught up in drugs or gambling or porn.  Whatever we look at and dwell on is going to consume us.”

Me:  “Do you seriously think that every person who is gay has gotten caught up in looking at something they shouldn’t?  You don’t think some people have an affection toward the same sex having never been exposed to anything of the sort…having never been exposed to homosexuality in any way?”

Tessa:  “I think it’s really more spiritual than physical.  I know God made us for each other and he wouldn’t make us in a way that he would despise and call an abomination.  It’s like with me and Doug.  I think about ways to kill him about twenty times a day, but I don’t actually do it.  It’s just a thought.  I have to control my thoughts.”

Me:  “Yeah, it’s exactly like that.” 😯

About that time Doug came back to the car from fetching her large sweet tea and the conversation mercifully changed.  I can’t decide if she really believes that God doesn’t make people that way or if her thinking is a product of our homophobic culture.  Does she think KarieAnne should cut him loose because he’s gay or because she seems to be taking too much responsibility for him?  I agree she needs to set some healthy boundaries because another person’s depression can be overwhelming.  She can’t fix it for him, but she can listen when he needs a friend.

9 thoughts on “Real Road Trip Conversations: Being Gay

  1. When I hear about a young person wanting to kill themselves because of being gay and being bullied my heart breaks. You would think that Christians would want to reach out and be loving and kind to someone contemplating suicide.


  2. It’s a heartache. Imagine that boy’s heartache. Rather than live he’d die so he doesn’t have to face his dad. 😦

    D’Ma, just as disturbing is her comment about killing her husband. Is she serious? She actually thinks of “ways” to kill him? God, if God is keeping her from killing him she’d better keep God.

    I hope KeriAnne can sort through this but it’s quite a burden for one so young. She needs some wise counsel as well.


    • D’Ma, just as disturbing is her comment about killing her husband. Is she serious? She actually thinks of “ways” to kill him? God, if God is keeping her from killing him she’d better keep God.

      No, she doesn’t actually think of ways to kill him. She was exaggerating her level of anger for dramatic effect. Comparing controlling her exaggerated anger about every day annoyances to a kid having to deny who he is because of his sexual preferences is ridiculous. It just shows she has no concept of what homosexuality actually is. She’s been told over and over again what it is so she doesn’t need any other perspective. :rolls eyes:

      KarieAnne is in her early twenties so this young man is quite a bit younger than her. She showed concern and that she really cares so he’s grabbed on tight. Probably with white knuckles because he feels like he’s drowning. That is a heavy burden for a person. I hope she does get some good counsel about how to set some appropriate boundaries with him for her own sanity. I can’t imagine that she’d just “cut him loose”.


      • Okay. Lousy comparison on her part.

        These kinds of conversations are frustrating but I think you are planting seeds of thought for her from outside the box.

        Cutting him loose would be a burden too. Caught between a rock and a hard place. Here’s hoping all of them get the help they need.


  3. I know God made us for each other and he wouldn’t make us in a way that he would despise and call an abomination.

    Good point. Unfortunately it never occurs to her that the correct response to the dilemma is to question whether God really despises it and calls it an abomination


    • It probably will never occur to her either. She has very black and white thinking, but then again, so did I at one time. Maybe there’s hope for her yet. 😉


  4. I hate to admit it, I used to think I was SUCH a great Christian because I was willing to talk to Gay people and have them as friends in college. But I still judged them as living in sin, because the Bible told me so.

    It’s hard to convey to someone in the Christian bubble that being Gay is not something most people would choose. They want to make it about right and wrong….

    I know it’s not fair to Gays, but I got a teency weency taste of what it would be like to come out when I told my in-laws I no longer believed in God. My Father In-Law said it even felt like I was telling someone I was gay…anyway.

    I’m sorry that your friend doesn’t get it……


    • I’ll have to make a post about how I once treated a gay couple I was fairly close to. How they EVER spoke to me again is beyond me.

      The fundamentalist Christian community I belonged to definitely makes it seem like is all a choice and that, not only is that choice wrong, but it’s also perverted. They make it seem as though all gay people are pedophiles or something.

      Ouch! But I guess outing yourself about most anything that goes against the norm could be viewed that way.


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