In the book “The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists” there is a list of questions to help you find out if you are in relationship with a Narcissist:
1. Do you frequently feel as if you exist to admire his or her special talents and sensitivities?
2. Do you frequently feel hurt or annoyed that you do not get your turn and, if you do, the interest and quality of attention is significantly less than the attention you give?
3. Do you sense an intense degree of pride in this person or feel reluctant to offer your opinions when you know they will differ from his or hers?
4. Do you often feel that the quality of your whole interaction will depend upon the kind of mood he or she is in?
5. Do you feel controlled by this person?
6. Are you afraid of upsetting him or her for fear of being cut off or retaliated against?
7. Do you have difficulty saying no?
8. Are you exhausted from the kind of energy drain or worry that this relationship causes you?
9. Have you begun to feel lonely in the relationship?
10. Do you often wonder where you stand in the relationship?
11. Are you in constant doubt about what’s real?
12. Are you reluctant to let go of this relationship due to a strong sense of protectiveness?
13. Are you staying in the relationship because of your investment of time and energy?
The author of the book points out that this struggle, of course, reflects codependent tendencies, but the author also points out that almost anyone will sink into these behaviors when involved with a severe Narcissist.
Narcissism is manifested on a spectrum, mild to severe. But someone who is hard-wired with this disorder will never change.
Does any of this sound familiar? Did you answer yes to any of these questions? If so you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
I worshiped a narcissist. His book promised me that he would meet all my needs according to his great riches in heaven. He did not. Oh, I convinced myself that as long as I woke each morning, had a place to sleep and clothes on my back that my needs were being met. I felt I needed more than that, but I dare not ask. After all look at all he had done for me. I was lucky my narcissist gave me that much. Looking around I see he withholds even the barest of necessities from a large sector of the populace.
Do you know what happens when parents feed, clothe and provide shelter to their children but do not meet their emotional needs? They die on the inside. They have difficulty forming emotional attachments and trusting another. Yet they inevitably seem to chase after that which is most elusive: the attention of the one who neglected them, trying oh so hard to appease and please. Always consumed and expending energy in an attempt to keep the relationship going.
What happens when one realizes they are in such a relationship with an invisible God? When the denial isn’t enough anymore? When there is nothing left but the ashes of nothingness in a tightly clinched fist? There is nothing left to do but open your hand and blow scattering ashes to the wind.