Out From Under the Umbrella

playing in the rain


30 Comments

You Can’t Get Anywhere with Those People

Capture

From the facebook files:  Climate change experts have an agenda and don’t want to be confused with facts.  “What facts”, you might scratch your head and ask.  Why, the Bible, of course.  Who needs science?  Who needs experiments?  You have all the facts you need right there in the Bible.  It says so right in there.

“Will the circle be unbroken
Bye and bye Lord, bye and bye” – Johnny Cash

You just can’t make this stuff up, people.  In the words of Ron White, “You can’t fix stupid.”


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Pontificating

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Having watched Pope Francis, and I’m no fan as I’m not Catholic(hell, I’m not even a believer), being eaten alive by conservative Protestants the words of this song came to mind. Oh, how fantastic Christans are at cannibilzing. I know, I know. The Pope’s not really a real Christian(sarcasm, if you can’t tell).

My Jesus

“And who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet? Holy, yeah

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him
‘Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church…

The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And I think He’d prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd…” Todd Agnew

No, if the Jesus depicted in scripture walked the streets of America today he would not be recognized.  He would be shunned.  He would be shouted down.  No matter how many scriptures you throw at me saying that Jesus was a capitalist I don’t buy it.  I don’t think that The Parable of the Ten Minas means what you think it means.  I’m not even a professing Christian and I know that this parable has nothing to do with greed or accumulation of wealth.  Even if it did it wouldn’t be advocating it at the expense of others.  It certainly doesn’t carry with it any meaning even close to “get all you can, while you can, and hoard it for yourself.”

Somehow I just can’t picture the Jesus found in your Holy Book packing heat and capitalizing on the mysery of others.  I don’t even think I can picture him building big walls across the border.  Funny, for people who expect that Jesus could come back soon, at any moment, you sure do spend an awful lot of your time stepping on the heads of others to get your leg up in this world.


61 Comments

You Have Not Because You Ask Not

jailApparently 51 year-old April Lee Yates didn’t pray hard enough.  According to WBTW News she dined out in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Sunday night expecting Jesus Christ to pick up the tab.  When he didn’t show up with the cash in hand she was carted off to jail because she hadn’t the money to pay.

I wonder how many times Jesus has paid a dinner check for her.  She certainly expected him to come through for her.  She didn’t even do a proper dine-and-dash.  She sat there for four hours waiting on him.

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.


60 Comments

God Honors Laws of Man

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From my facebook files:

Man can create laws, but God already has his laws in place and there is no higher court capable of overturning or revising those laws. Make no mistake…God will not honor any laws created by man. Have no fear, He is still on His throne! And He still loves all sinners….me included.

Dear facebook friend,

It is fortunate for you that what you have been and done for your whole life isn’t illegal. That somehow makes your past not so…sinful. Sure, you’re straight. But you got knocked up out of wedlock. And, like me, you’re divorced and remarried.   And, really, I think you have that whole thing about God not honoring the laws of man all wrong.  Your Good Book says:

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.  For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended.  For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.  Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.  The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.  Romans 13: 1-10(NIV)

 

Sounds like God approves of marriage(that’s what we’re calling it now).  So please stop making the baby Jesus cry.  Show your neighbors some love and respect, will ya?


50 Comments

The End is Nigh

end-of-the-worldIn 2012, Chuck Norris, the kick-ass king of martial arts and star of Walker, Texas Ranger, produced a video with his wife predicting “1000 years of darkness” if Obama won a second term.  In it he proclaims, ““If we look to history, our great country and freedom are under attack. We’re at a tipping point and, quite possibly, our country as we know it may be lost forever if we don’t change the course in which our country is headed.”

Dun, dun. dunnnnnnn…….

Now he’s making more *cough* predictions.

According to him Barry O. is now importing Muslims into the U.S. illegally, is going to grant them amnesty, and get them Nationalized before the 2016 election to make sure the democratic nominee for the presidential election wins. He states, :

That’s a pretty tall order.  Also fairly impossible.  Frankly, I’m mad as hell.  TheBrit hasn’t gotten his letter urging him to naturalize.

First of all it’s obvious that Norris and those who are buying this equine fecal heap have no idea how the immigration system works.  Second of all it’s obvious that Norris nor those who are buying this equine fecal heap have no idea what President Obama’s immigration plan even is.  Furthermore that plan has been blocked by the Federal Court.

So….no, President Obama does not now, nor has he ever had a “strategy to “seed your communities” with at least 70,000 refugees a year, including Iraqis, Burmese, Bhutanese, Somalis, Cubans, Syrians and others. And the numbers of Syrians, mostly Muslim, will surpass them all,” as envisioned by Norris.

President Obama’s plan was not amnesty.  It was not a plan to get undocumented immigrants naturalized by the 2016 election.  That’s a fairly ridiculous assertion.  President Obama’s plan was to get undocumented immigrants documented.  They would have to pay a fine for being here illegally.  They would have go to the back of the line for long-term permanent residency. They would have to pass all the background checks to make sure they aren’t criminals.  Then and only then would they be documented.

But there’s no way on this green earth that we’re going to round up all the illegals and send them back where they came from.  Obama’s plan would be far less expensive than that.  It would weed out the criminals, who could/would then be rounded up and sent back where they came from or sent to jail depending on where they committed their crimes.

According to Norris, PJ Media obtained an internal letter written by Leon Rodriquez, director and co-chair of the Task Force on New Americans, which refers to a White House report called, ‘Strengthening Communities by Welcoming All Residents’.  Norris claims this letter states, “This report outlines an immigrant integration plan that will advance our nation’s global competitiveness and ensure that the people who live in this country can fully participate in their communities.” The horror!

Then Norris adds, “Of course, “fully participate” is code for granting voting rights and specifically re-electing a Democrat president.”

What a cunning and diabolical plan!  Mwhahahaha!  I can see the President wringing his hands and using a villainous laugh as the smoke rises from beneath his feet.  And it’s genius.  Except it can’t happen.

Could it be that “fully participate” means legal employment, paying taxes, having to participate in the Affordable Care Act, and going to school?

Nah, that would make too much sense.

The reason why TheBrit didn’t get his letter, though, is an interesting one.  He came here legally.  Which means he’s in line in the order in which he applied for long term permanent residency behind all the ones in front of him.  He’s not even eligible to apply for naturalization for at least another year.  And those 9 million green card holders?  If they’re holding a green card they’re here legally.  They can only naturalize if they’re eligible to naturalize.  There are a lot of green card holders who will never be eligible for anything more than a ten-year residency.

This whole conspiracy theory has so many flaws and holes in it it’s ridiculous.

The cherry on top?  The icing on the cake?  Norris finishes his diatribe with this crescendo, “Obama has literally helped build the environment for the Apocalypse, as defined by both Muslims and Christians.”

Take heed and look to the skies, my friends, the end is nigh.